I decided to throw a dinner party with a Seinfeld theme with my family and a few friends. I started off with brainstorming all Seinfeld foods, then eventually came up with a menu that meshed well. The plan was to eat dinner, then have a competition afterwards by playing Seinfeld Scene It.
THE MENU
Mulligatawny Soup with H&H bagel crisps
“You can't eat this soup standing up, your knees buckle.” –The Soup Nazi
“Toss me an apron, let's bagel!” – The Strike
Big Salad with “big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs”(from the Hamptons), onion (not apple), and poppy seed dressing (don’t worry, not prepared in the shower) with Marble Rye Croutons
“AND WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IS, HOW DOES A PERSON WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BIG SALAD CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT SALAD AND ACCEPT THE THANK YOU UNDER FALSE PRETENSES - AH - AH?” –The Big Salad
“You know, you can eat 'em like apples. You know it's funny, the tomato never took off as a hand fruit.” –The Hamptons
“-He couldn't tell an apple from an onion and he's your eye witness?-I saw them making out, you can believe it.-I don't know what to believe! You're eating onions, you're spotting dimes, I don't know what the hell is going on!” – The Glasses
“Hold on a second. Mrs. Seinfeld, I need your sample.” –The Shower Head
“What do you mean stole? It's my bread. They didn't eat it. Why should I leave it there?” –The Rye
Kung Pao Chicken Stir Fry with Broccoli
“George likes his chicken spicy.” –The Jimmy
“Vile weed!” –The Chicken Roaster
Mackinaw Peaches and Mango Salad
“Makes your taste buds come alive… it's like having a circus in your mouth… Jerry, this is a miracle of nature that exists for a brief period. It's like the Aurora Borealis.” –The Doodle
“I feel like I got a B12 shot. This is like a taste explosion!” –The Mango
Black and White Cookie with scoop of “Nonfat” Frozen Yogurt
“-Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet, somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.
-Your views on race relations are fascinating. You really should do an op-ed piece for the Times. ” –The Dinner Party
“-Hey, I'll tell you what, Chubby, if that yogurt has fat in it, I will put myself on an all-yogurt diet for a week.-Well, let's start the insanity.-Giddy-up!” –The Non Fat Yogurt
Snapple
“Snapple?” –The Virgin
Twix and The Candy Bar Lineup
“One of your guys - Kip, or Ned, short name - stole my Twix candy bar!
Are you saying he grabbed the candy bar away from you?
He might as well have! I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs.
I thought you said it was a Twix.
Oh, it was. But he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar.
Maybe it was.
Oh, no, no. Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch.
What about the $100,000 bar?
No. Rice and caramel.
Nougat?
No.
Positive?
Please.
You know they changed the name from $100,000 bar to 100 Grand?
All I want is my seventy-five cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired!
I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel.
What’s the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?
They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial!
Not Skittles.
Dad, I told you, you could sit here only if you don’t talk.
You make your father sit here all day?
He likes it!
Alright! Do you mind? I have the window! Now, what are you gonna do about my Twix?
Twix has too much coconut.
No! There’s no coconut!
I’m allergic to coconut.
I’m not.
..A nickel!”
“Now, if this mechanic guy was, in fact, eating a 5th Avenue bar, as he claimed, wouldn’t you agree he would have no problem picking one out from a candy line-up?
"Candy line-up"?
I’ve spent the last hour preparing ten candy bars with no wrappers of identification of any kind for him to select from.
It took you an hour?
Only I hold the answer key to their true candy identities. And so, without further ado, I give you, the candy line-up.
Hey, Willie, check it out! Free candy!
That’s my candy line-up! Where are all my cards?! They’re - they’re all on the floor! And you! How many Twix does that make for you, today?! Like, 8 Twix?!
No.
Hey, this Clark bar is good.
It’s a Twix! They’re all Twix! It was a setup! A setup, I tell ya! And you’ve robbed it! You’ve all screwed me again! Now, gimme one! Gimme a Twix!
They’re all gone.
TTTTTTTWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!” –The Dealership
THE SNACKS FOR POST-DINNER COMPETITION
Jujy Fruits
“So you heard that I was in a car accident , and then decided to stop off for some Jujyfruit?” –The Opposite
Junior Mints
“Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint-- it's delicious!” –The Junior Mint
Chunkies
“I know the chunky that left these Chunkies! NEWMAN!” –The Doodle
Snickers Bar (with fork and knife)
“What is wrong with all you people?! Have you all gone mad?!!” –The Pledge Drive
Pretzels
“These pretzels are making me thirsty!” –The Alternate Side
Chips Ahoy cookies
“Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I'm having it.” –The Cadillac
Éclairs
“Adjacent to refuse, is refuse…
Well, you, my friend, have crossed the line that divides Man and Bum. You are now a Bum.” –The Gymnast
Muffin Tops
“-And one more thing, you really think we need the exclamation point? Because, it's not "Top of the Muffin TO YOU!!!"
-No. No, it is.”
Pez
“-Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort of lunatic anyway. I mean only a sick twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant.
-Maybe some mental defective put something stupid on her leg.” –The Pez Dispenser
THE OTHER SEINFELD FOODS
Mutton
“Mmmm Mutton! Hope you didn't cut the fat off.” –The Wink
Jambalaya
“Mmm Jambalaya!!” –The Soup Nazi
Scrambled eggs with Fresh, Stolen Lobster
“-You know, you might wanna try eating it with one of these.
-There's lobster in these eggs?
-Not that much. You know, they tend to shrink in the water.” –The Hamptons
Calzone from Pisano’s
“That's right. Do you want me to say it again? I'll say it again. I haven't had a pimple since I was eighteen and I don't care that you don't believe me or not. And how's this? You’re fired!... Okay, you’re not. I am just a little hungry. Where's Costanza with my calzone? It's 1:15. He's late…That smell. I have to call you back. Costanza! He's in the building! Costanza is in the building and he's not in this office! Costanza! I'll get you!!” –The Calzone
Turkey and a Box of Wine (as a Combo)
“-What’s that stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy?
-Tryptophan… I think.”- The Merv Griffin Show
Cheerios/ Cereal
“I'll have a bowl of Cheerios, not to much milk.” –The Invitations
Babka (chocolate and cinnamon)
“Cinnamon takes a back seat to no Babka. People love cinnamon. It should be on tables at restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime anyone says, "Oh This is so good. What's in it?" The answer invariably comes back, Cinnamon. Cinnamon. Again and again.” –The Dinner Party
Drake’s Coffee Cake
“-He does not like you. And all indications are he does not like Drake’s Coffee Cake.
-He said that?
-He was screaming about it all night. How it’s too sweet and it falls apart when you eat it.” –The Suicide
Bosco
“-I'll bet I can guess it.
-Pssh. Yeah. Right.
-Oh, alright. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Alright, let's go deeper. Uh, what kind of man are you? Well,
you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations, but what tempts you?
-Huh?
-You're a portly fellow, a bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no no, yours is a sweet tooth.
-Get out of here.
-Oh you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master, the cocoa bean.
- I'm leaving.
- No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!
- I gotta go.
- If you could you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!
- Shut up!
- Nestlé's Quik!
- Shut up!” –The Secret Code
Ovaltine
“Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it round tine. That's gold, Jerry! Gold!” –The Fatigues
Hennigans
“Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be our little secret. h-e-double n...” –The Red Dot
Peach Schnapps
“-How did he find out?
-He schnapped me.
-You know you're not supposed to drink while you're keeping a secret!” –The Betrayal
I made blueberry muffins, sliced the tops off, and placed them on a cooling rack to cool.
The Dozen Muffin Tops.
I typed up a menu for the dinner, including quotes from the show in reference to each food (see previous blog post for food and quotes). I had the menus professionally laminated and let each guest take them home as souvenirs after the party.
I put a sign over the toilet in the bathroom. It says "I don't have a square to spare, I can't spare a square."
The snack table for post dinner 'Seinfeld Scene It' Competition
Hines brought duplicate eclairs and Jory brought a duplicate candy bar line-up.
The Chips Ahoy.
The Snickers, with a knife and fork.
The Pretzels (they're making me thirsty.)
The Jujy Fruits.
The Junior Mints.
The Eclairs (on doilies, with one bite in it, plated on a magazine.)
The Candy Bar Line Up
The Key (brought by Jory)
The Complete dialogue from 'The Candy Bar Line Up.'
The Fusilli Jerry (the trophy for the champion of Seinfeld Scene It)
Another angle of Fusilli Jerry.
The Dinner Table.
The Kung Pao Chicken.
The Real Chinese Food Boxes used to serve the Kung Pao.
The Broccoli (vile weed!)
The Peach and Mango Salad.
The (homemade) Marble Rye Croutons.
The H&H Bagel Chips.
The Mulligatawny Soup.
The Poppy Seed Dressing.
The Black and White Cookies.
The Snapple.
Jory came to the dinner as Mike Moffit (note the shirt.)
And he brought salsa in a seltzer bottle and seltzer in a salsa jar.
Jory also brought Tic Tacs for everyone, you know, so no one would be sidle-ing up on him without him knowing.
Jory with his Fusilli Jerry Trophy. He was the Seinfeld Scene It Champ. 